Shades of Gold
by Hiate48
Summary: Edward Elric paid more dearly to free his country and regain his brother's body than anyone ever realized. Now he is running out of time.  When Alfonse learns of the real price his brother paid, he will stop at nothing to try and save him.
1. Chapter 1

_Note from the author: I do not own any of these characters, nor do I presume to supplant the excellent work by this manga/anime's artists and authors with my humble offering. All characters in this piece belong to Hiromu Arakawa and are her exclusive intellectual property. I present this story for my own pleasure and because I hope she will one day be inspired to give us another small glimpse into the world she created. Domo arigato, Arakawa-shi._

Resembool, 1931

The landscape Alphonse watched slide by the train's window had changed little in the three years since he had last seen it, but it no longer felt like the home it had once been to him. He focused on the hand pressed against the pane, noting the way the heat of his palm fogged the glass surface. Even returned to his own body from the armor his brother had bound him to, he had not felt as much an alien to this land as he did returning now after such a long absence.

Now he was the world traveler, the alchemist of renown, the master of both alchemy and alkahestry, and emissary of Amestris to Xing. It was his name people spoke with wonder and respect and his deeds that became the stuff of legend. Even in the solitude of the almost empty train, recognizing those undeniable facts made Alphonse blush. His modest nature did not accept accolades easily. Ed had borne the esteem afforded a state alchemist far better than Alphonse ever would the honors his own works had earned. But still, despite his self-effacing nature, Alphonse knew the strangeness was not in the lands that whispered by, it was that he now saw them with more learned eyes.

While he travelled east across the great desert, Ed had gone west to the lands of Creta and southern Drachma, but though Al's journey had taken him far and wide to many of the lands beyond Xing, Ed had soon returned to Resembool. After three brief years, the mission the two of them had planned together, to give back more than they took away, had become Al's alone for the last twelve.

The train was beginning to slow, coming into the station to the east of the town. Unconsciously, Al's eyes found the road that lead up towards the house that he had been born in. Ed had built his own home on the same hill and now shared it with the family he had returned from the west to start. Winry had borne him a son they'd named Tristan and a daughter, Sarah, named for Winry's mother. Al smiled, thinking about his brother's children. He'd never in a million years thought Ed would be more the family type than he was. His own relationship with the princess Mei was quite strong and it was well understood they would marry someday, but whether it was more his inclination or hers, they didn't yet feel the time was right. The changing politics of Xing seemed a quagmire to Al, but Mei relished her involvement in its dynastic gymnastics. They did nothing for Al but give him a blistering headache. As long as he had been emissary to his beloved's native land, he still preferred the simplicity of Amestris's young and ideological democracy.

Al collected his things as the train shuddered to a complete stop. Briefcase, hat, coat slung over his shoulder, and a small bag of gifts for the children. In her last letter, Winry had said that Tristan, now almost twelve, was expressing an interest in alchemy, though the tone of her letter did not indicate how she or Ed had felt about the development. And, of course, Ed never wrote anyone anymore; his creative energies being more than exhausted by the travelogues and scholarly writings he'd produced. The gift Al had chosen for his nephew was the same 'Introduction to Alchemy' that had begun his own education and he hoped he would not be stepping on any toes by offering it.

"Little Master Alphonse!" An old man relaxing on a station bench waved a walking stick in his direction as Al squinted in the afternoon sun. It took a moment for Al to recognize him, but he waved cheerily back when he did. "You've been away a long time, welcome home!" Jenk was the man's name and he'd been old as long as Al could remember.

"Yes, thank you! I thought it was time I came back to let everyone know I still existed."

Grampa Jenk smiled and patted the paper on his lap. "Oh, we read all about you, young man. You're the most famous alchemist in Amestris, or even the world! It makes us darned proud to know you grew up here in Resembool."

Al blushed again and waved the man's praise away. "You give me too much credit, Mr. Jenk. My brother was a much more accomplished alchemist than I am."

The older man snorted, but not unkindly. "Maybe so, but all I ever see is his nasty temper these days. You've always been such a nice boy – are you sure you're related?" Al laughed.

It was still a work day and in early summer, few people wandered the streets of the small town. Al breathed in the familiar smells of field and farmyard as he made his leisurely way towards his brother's home. Alone on the roadway, surrounded by sunlight and birdsong, time seemed to stand still. For a moment the sense of strangeness fell away, he was a child again and his mother was smiling from their doorway, beckoning him home. His breath caught. The loss was twenty years past, but he still missed her so very much.

Ed and Winry's house was freshly painted, neat but not too tidy, as if its occupants cared more about function than appearance. The sign posted along the road announcing '_Elric's Automail Outfitters_' looked as if it had once been an expensive extravagance of steel and polish, but wind and weather had given it a patina and even a few patches of rust. Al patted it as he passed; remembering the day Mr. Garfiel had brought it to them, the day Winry had officially left his apprenticeship and took over her grandmother's business.

The place looked deserted, but when Al knocked on the door, a ferocious looking dog raced from behind the house to bark at him. Though the dog's name escaped his memory, Al recognized him as the floppy-eared pup he had met at his last visit. The latest in a line of dogs that the venerable Den had started, the animal was trying his best to sound intimidating, but it just wasn't working. Al had caught him away from his duty and even the fierce barking couldn't disguise the note of sheepishness in it.

"Hang on, I'll be right there!"

Winry Elric opened the door and it took a moment for her to register the identity of her visitor. When she did, a huge smile broke across her face.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming, Al?" She threw open the screen door and dove into his waiting arms. "I'd have had everyone here to meet you! It's just me and Sarah here now – Ed and Tristan are up at the old dam and I don't expect them till this evening!" She pushed him back, her blue eyes sparkling as she looked him over. "I don't even have a pie made! What were you thinking?" She laughed and slipped her arm into his, dragging him into the house. "Sarah! Come downstairs! Look who's come to visit?"

Sarah Elric was as much the image of her mother as Tristan was his father. She peered around the corner of the top of the stairs that overlooked the sparely furnished family room and gave a little squeal of delight. A flurry of skinny limbs descended the stairs and raced up to her uncle.

"Uncle Alphonse!" Her voice had a slight lisp; Al noted one of her front teeth was missing. "Is it really you? We mithed you! Are you here for a long visit? Did you bring Mei? Did you bring presents?" She bounced around him excitedly and squealed her giggles when he caught her into a hug.

"Yes, yes, no and yes!" he laughed. "Though maybe not a long visit. Long enough for you to get sick of me, at least."

"Us? Get sick of you?" Winry's eyes were still shining brightly. "Not a chance. Let's get you settled and I'll get some food started. You must be starving!"

Once he'd unpacked his few things and washed up, Al came down into the kitchen where Winry was humming happily as she buzzed around the spacious room. The parts to someone's elegant forearm lay on a tarp that was spread across the table, but Winry quickly rolled it up and tucked it out of the way. The room, like the rest of the house, was well cared for but spare and given over to usefulness more than décor. Sarah was busy cutting up vegetables, keeping her fingers well back from the blade as if from hard learned experience.

"How've you been, Winry?" asked Al when the tea was poured and his friend and sister-in-law paused long enough to take a breath. She rolled her eyes and flopped down at the table. Sarah, who'd finished the carrots, carefully put down her knife and sidled up to her mother in an unspoken request for access to her lap. Winry obliged, thought it looked to Al as if the ten year old was almost too big to fit there.

"Busy!" she sighed. "We've always had a pretty steady clientele, but I think word has been getting around from my time in Rush Valley and people are beginning to come here to find me. I can barely keep up, especially now that Granny is gone. It's just me, you know. Though the kids are a help now that school is out, neither one is quite as mechanically inclined as I am." She ruffled her daughter's hair. "They take after their father too much."

"What's Ed doing these days? Has he got anything of his own going?"

Al saw the momentary frown that crossed Winry's face. "Well…" she said, "Not so much. He finished his work on that treaty with Creta and ever since then, doesn't seem to want to travel anymore." Winry shook her head. "To be quite frank about it, he's been in my hair for most of the last five years! I mean, I love him dearly, but he's driving me crazy."

"I saw Jenk at the train station and he said something about Ed's temper too. Is it worse than usual?"

Winry poured herself a cup of tea around her daughter's back. "Not really," she confessed. "It's almost as if he is looking for a purpose that will keep him near home, but nothing in Resembool quite suits him." She shook her head, smiling. "I love him, but I think I like him better when he's got a challenge to overcome. Like the situation in Creta – he dove into their culture and history and came away with an agreement that everyone involved was happy with. He's really good at solving problems, but we simply don't have any problems around here that are equal to his talents." She peered at her brother-in-law over the rim of the cup. "And what he ends up doing now more than anything else is ruffling feathers." She took another careful sip of her tea. "I'm almost hoping you've brought him some impossible task to attempt. Not that I want to chase him away, but really the only time he's happy is when he's up to his neck in something."

Al shifted in her expectant gaze. "Well," he said, "that does sound like Brother. I always hoped our project would satisfy him as much as it has me; exploring new places and meeting new people, but I never did understand why he gave up the pursuit so early on."

Winry bit back a grin as a blush colored her cheek. She shifted Sarah off her lap. "Honey, why don't you go and see where your dad is? Don't tell him who's here, but try to get him to come on home. OK?"

Sarah nodded, stopped to give her uncle a hug, and bounced out the back door of the kitchen with a wave that reminded Al eerily of her father.

"I might have had something to do with that," Winry confessed after her daughter was out of earshot. "I've known you boys all my life, but after we decided to get married, well, I couldn't bear to be away from him." Her blush deepened. "I might have been a bit more demanding than I should have been. And then Tristan came along, and Sarah, and, well, you know how much Ed likes being a father." The smile that crossed Winry's face then had nothing to do with Al's presence, but he could feel the heat of it. Intimate and raw, the intensity of her feelings for his brother washed past and left him breathless and a little embarrassed. This had nothing to do with alchemy, but had an awesome power of its own.

"So," Winry was changing the subject. "What have you been doing these past few years? How are you and Mei getting along?"

Al chuckled. "She's still putting up with me, though I don't know why. I think she's finally managed to help me make some inroads in that strange ability her folk are taught that lets them sense other beings."

"'Sense other beings'? What do you mean? I didn't know that was something the Xingese could do."

"Oh sure!" Al said eagerly, "and not just those skilled in alkahestry. Royalty family members and their warriors are all taught how from a young age, though I suspect it's more a case of not unlearning something children already know." Off the more sensitive personal subjects, Al felt his enthusiasm returning. "It's part of the dragon's pulse, this sensing of the flow of energy, and I have a feeling we could even teach Amestrians how to do it. Everything has energy and we learn to recognize the kinds that affect us most – you feel the flow of the metals and recognize flaws and strengths in the material. I feel the flow of energy in the earth and direct it in my alchemy. But the energy of life itself is something everything that's alive can touch. Even someone with no special skills at all can learn to at least see this energy."

Winry looked skeptical. "That sounds like alchemy to me."

"Not at all," Al insisted. "It's more like opening the eyes you used to have as a child and believing what they see." He sat back in the chair, grinning with delight. "Once you do that, it's like you aren't blind anymore. It's amazing."

Winry still looked skeptical, but Al's innocent smile was infectious. "OK," she laughed, "so what kinds of things do you see when you look with these 'eyes'?"

"I can see that you're happy," Al whispered softly. "Really happy. Your life is full and you love my brother more than anything."

"Oh!" Winry blinked, then blinked again.

"The Xingese call it 'chi', and as near as I can understand it, it's the energy of life. Yours looks rose-colored to me, though the Mei laughs at me assigning colors to someone's chi. I've always associated that hue with joy."

Winry opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes and she stood up from the table. She picked up the cup, but hesitated. Then she turned around and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Al," she whispered. "You're right, of course. I really am. Sometimes I forget how much."

* * *

><p>"MOM!"<p>

Supper was still simmering when Sarah's yell came in from across the back yard.

"What's the matter?" called Winry, wiping grease from the project that had resumed its position on her dining table. The tone of the child's voice had told her mother many things: nobody was hurt, which was the most important point and someone was soon going to be in trouble. Most often that someone was her brother Tristan.

Sarah's breath was coming in great, heaving gasps, but she managed to get the story out between them.

"Mr. Kagoma…" the girl gasped, "…digging out the pond…" Another great breath. "Dad says he's…." She paused again to take in a breath, "…going to undercut…"

"What's this?" Al had retired to the guest room but the child's call had roused him instantly. "Mr. Kagoma? The sheep farmer?" Sarah nodded.

"He's been digging out an old pond that got silted up and dad went up to help." Sarah's breath was already returning to her. "Dad said it's not safe to run that old steam shovel on the dam – and then he and Mr. Kagoma started arguing and I think Mr. Kagoma got the shovel stuck in the mud!"

"Oh, no…" Winry rolled her eyes. "I was afraid that was going to happen. Mr. Kagoma's as stubborn as an old goat." She rolled up her project in its protective tarp again and turned off the stove. "And we know how politic Ed can be. It's not going to be pretty."

Al followed his sister-in-law out of the house and across the field above the hill. Just beyond the crest lay the remains of the house he and Ed had shared with their mother. The old tree was nothing but a charred stump now.

* * *

><p>Along the roads, the distance would have been a little more than a mile, but it was far less than that across the crest of the hill. The sheep farm of Aran Kagoma consisted of broad high pastures under a ridge of trees just below the top of the hill. The trees followed a small stream channel, broadening into a respectable woodlot that shaded the watercourse and its valley. Just above the farmhouse and barns, it broadened even further into an old, almost entirely silted-in impoundment. Below were other dams just above the house along the same watercourse that looked newer and better maintained, but the problem, quite obviously, was with the oldest one.<p>

Nearly every farm in Resembool had a pond or two. Stocked with fish or just the amphibians that used them, they provided a buffer for the floods of spring and a reservoir for the droughts of summer. As boys, Al and Ed had swum in this very pond and Al remembered how icy its waters were. Now there was little left of those waters but a track that snaked its way across a marshy surface. Brush and watercress grew in what had once been a dark pool.

The dam was at the end nearest the farmhouse and, swaying precariously across it, its tracks poised above the morass, was an old, rusty steam shovel. The farmer was in the driver's seat and it was clear he was fighting the machine's inclination to fall either into the old pond or the hole the tracks were rapidly digging into the dam itself. Water was pooling into pits that Mr. Kagoma had made earlier with the shovel and water from the residual stream was now flowing over the subsided ground towards the hampered vehicle. It looked like the whole mess was on the verge of giving way.

"Don't turn!" shouted a strong, deep voice from behind the shovel. Al followed the sound with his eyes and at last saw the bright gold of his brother's hair. Ed and several other men were working furiously to take up the slack in a block and tackle that appeared to run between the back of the steam shovel and a large tree on the hillside above the dam. Tristan, his hair almost as bright as his father's, was standing by the tree with another boy, their eyes riveted on the action below them.

From what Al could see, the steam shovel could gain no traction and was losing the fight. Even with the block tight and the men below straining with effort, the machine barely budged. Water began swirling past the machine's track and over the rut it had dug into the dam. It was only a matter of time before things got way out of hand.

"GET OFF OF THERE!" screamed Ed, as he leapt onto the dam and climbed over the back of the steam shovel's chassis. The old farmer looked around wildly and reached up for his neighbor's hand. Ed pulled him bodily from the seat and paused on the swaying vehicle as if looking for a way to get the two of them off of it before it toppled over.

Al acted without thinking. He had never lost the ability his brother had forsaken, to transmute without circles but merely a clap of his hands. He slapped the muddy ground and the soil in front of him surged up like it had suddenly become water. It flowed toward the nearer side of the dam, away from where Ed and Kagoma still stood on the steam shovel. With his will, Al pushed the fluid soil over the dam, piled it up under the precarious machine's tracks and there he stiffened it. As the lightning of his transmutation faded, the muddy soil became as hardened as rock.

Every eye that had been riveted on the dam suddenly turned towards Al. The young man felt a little embarrassed by the sudden cheer that rose up from every mouth. From behind him, Sarah squealed with delight and jumped in happy circles. Winry placed a hand on his shoulder to thank him and walked on down towards the now salvaged dam.

Ed helped the farmer down from his machine and from across the pond, his eyes caught Al's. For several moments, he looked at his brother, then smiled and inclined his head in greeting. Al smiled warmly back, but his attention was drawn by the smaller golden streak that raced towards him around the other side of the pond.

"That was _AWESOME!_" Tristan bellowed and launched himself at his uncle. A solid boy of nearly twelve, he almost knocked Al off his feet. "I've never seen you do anything like that, Uncle! You're amazing! That is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!"

Al laughed out loud and hugged his nephew in greeting. "What did you expect me to do? Watch you guys get buried under the mud?" He ruffled the boy's unruly hair. "And that was nothing – I've seen your dad do things that were much more impressive."

The boy laughed. "Well, I haven't, and I thought that was the most amazing thing in the world. Totally awesome!" Though not bouncing up and down like his younger sister, Tristan hummed with electric energy. Al stepped back to get a better look at the boy and shook his head. The child was a carbon copy of Ed at that age, as muscular and fit as he had been, though with flesh and bone limbs all round. He was also nearly a head taller than Ed had been at twelve. "When did you get here?" asked the boy. "It's been years since we saw you last! Where on earth have you been travelling?"

"That's what I came down to tell you," interrupted Sarah, "but you guys were too busy with the ropes and yelling to pay any attention!" She grabbed her uncle's hand and pulled him back towards the creek. "He brought presents. Come on, Tris!" The girl seemed intent on dragging her uncle and brother up the hill.

"He can't leave! He's got to meet everybody!" Tristan grabbed his other arm and began pulling against her efforts as if Alphonse were a pull toy between them. The whole effort was so comical that the man pulled both children to him in a laughing hug.

"How about I go down and visit with people and then we'll go back home for presents?"

Sarah rolled her eyes, but agreed and joined her brother in pulling Al down the hill towards the men gathered around his alchemically produced earthen dam.

Across the pond, Al saw Winry approaching Ed. She slipped under his arms and their two heads, one yellow, one golden, met in a kiss. Ed looked up and saw his brother watching them. He raised an arm in greeting, and gestured that he and Winry were heading back over the hill. Al chuckled and waved back. Ed was leaving before the neighbors had a chance to praise their efforts. The coward.

* * *

><p>"When did he get here?" Ed sat the way he always did when relaxing at the kitchen table, leaning back against the wall with only two of the chair's four legs touching the floor. One of these days, thought Winry, he's going to fall flat on his back.<p>

"Not long before we came down. He's not on any particular business that I could tell; at least he didn't indicate he had to leave right away, so we're likely to get a nice long visit out of him. It's been a while."

"He didn't tell you anything?"

"Something about Xingese alkahestry, but you'll have to talk to him about it. You guys can talk 'alchemy geek' at one another."

"Hmm." Ed sounded non-committal, neither interested nor dismissive, but Winry had known him for too long not to catch the well disguised wariness in his tone.

"The kids sure didn't take long to warm up to Al! You'd never have guessed it's been three years since they've seen him."

Ed shrugged. "Everything likes Al. You want to know how many stray kittens he used to cart around in his armor?"

Winry shook her head. "That's OK, no." She handed him a stack of plates and napkins to set the table with. "Here. Supper's almost ready. Grandma's stew. Hope they're hungry."

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Al was headed back to the house, preceded by his brother's children and carrying a large bundle of mutton, a gift from the grateful farmer for the saving of his life, pond and steam shovel, under one arm. They'd chosen to return along the road because the mutton was heavy and because it was easier going than scrambling up the hillside.<p>

His brother had been right about the dam; time and tree roots had weakened its structure considerably. Al made sure he told the farmer that he should have listened to Ed about not trusting it to hold the steam shovel's weight and showed him how unstable the structure had become. Still, the farmer managed to enlist Al's aid in finishing the dredging job with alchemy, to the delight of the children, and the newly reinforced pond was rapidly filling back up with water.

"Did Mom tell you that I want to be an alchemist like you someday, Uncle?" Tristan asked.

"Yes, she said something in her last letter." Al looked down at the boy. "How does your father feel about it?"

Tristan frowned. "Well, I'm not really sure. I mean, he didn't say no, but he acts like I'm to young to start studying and he's never even tried to find me a teacher, at least as far as I can tell."

Al thought for a moment. "Well, that's one of the reasons I came to visit you. I wanted to assess the situation for myself, and to see what help I could be."

"You mean you'd become my teacher, Uncle? That would be so amazing! When will I be old enough to start learning alchemy?"

"Your father was already a state alchemist when he was only a little older than you are."

The boy's jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

"He's never told you that?"

The boy looked taken aback. "Well, no. But I never really asked him. I guess I just never think of him as having been an alchemist. He's just my dad, you know."

Al frowned. "Does he avoid talking about alchemy?"

"Not really, but Mom does," Sarah broke in. "You can tell she doesn't like it and when Dad starts talking about it, she tries to change the subject. I know it bothers her that he's still got all his books and she's not all that keen on Tris studying it either."

"She's not going to stop me, Dad said so."

Sarah stuck out her tongue at her brother.

"What doesn't she like about it?" Al asked his niece. Sarah screwed up her face in thought for a moment.

"She said she doesn't want to start worrying again."

Al's step faltered.

"Why did she say that?" Tristan asked.

Though Sarah shrugged, Al nodded.

"I know why," he said. The two children looked at him expectantly. "Your father and I were alchemists during the overthrow of the last Fuhrer. It was a really dangerous time and Winry always had to fix your dad's automail because he kept getting it damaged in fights." The children's eyes grew wide in amazement. "Your dad and I fought a lot of really dangerous people. Winry was always mad at us when we did because it made her worry."

"Wow," breathed Tristan, "I mean, I know that stuff happened, and that it's not exactly the way they tell us in school, but I just never think of my dad as being a great fighter. He's just 'Dad' to us."

"Do you mean you can't see him getting into fights? Has he developed an easy-going personality in his old age?"

Tristan and Sarah both laughed at that. "No!" they agreed in chorus.

The sun was beginning to set before they reached the Elric home. As the children came near to the house, some invisible signal passed between them and they darted forward, and raced each other up the last few hundred yards, darting, laughing, into the house accompanied by the happy barking of the big, black dog.

"I won!"

"No fair! You got in my way!"

* * *

><p>"Now can we have presents?" asked Sarah, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and gathering up her supper dishes.<p>

"When all of us are done, maybe," her mother said testily. "Until then, you'll find your manners and sit at the table."

Sarah flopped back down and crossed her arms over her chest, sulking. Her brother, a meager two years her senior, sniffed haughtily.

"Don't be a baby, Sis. You have to be grown up, like me, and then you'd know it's better when you have to wait for things."

"I can't believe how much the kids have grown since I saw them last," said Al to his brother. "And Tristan is huge! He almost knocked me over at the pond. Who'd have ever predicted that?" He nudged Ed playfully with his elbow. The elder brother feigned disinterest over his stew and grunted, though Al caught the proud grin that tugged up the corner of his mouth.

"_He_ drinks his milk," Winry said pointedly, tapping her son's empty glass. That drew a snort from Ed.

"Well, there's no accounting for taste."

Winry rolled her eyes, knowing that was too old a point for him to concede. "If you kids are both done, help me clear away the dishes and let your dad and uncle talk. Ed, do you want some drinks to take to the study?" Her husband nodded and she pulled two cold ales from the refrigerator.

"Come on," Ed jerked his head towards the other room and Al followed him after placing his plate into his nephew's waiting hands.

* * *

><p>"It's been a long time." Ed propped his feet up on the railing of the little patio off the study, the sound of metal on metal rang across the swiftly darkening yard. "How's the project been going?"<p>

Al took a little drink of the ale. It was very good; a local brew with a sheep's head on the label, and perfectly cold. "Quite well, actually. I've been travelling east of Xing and have seen a lot of things that I thought it might be good to talk to you about. I've even seen the ocean! You wouldn't believe how big it is, Brother! You can go out into it in a boat and get far enough away from land that you can't see it at all no matter how hard you look. Just water all around you. It's amazing! East of Xing there are islands in that ocean, big islands and people who live on them all their lives. They have brown skin, like Ishvalans, but their eyes are black like Teacher's."

Ed looked nonchalant as he pulled on his ale, but Al could tell he was taking it all in as hungrily as a man who was starving.

"What is that country called?"

"They call it something like Indishiv, though it was hard to understand them. Their language is difficult to learn and none of them had ever met someone from Amestris so they didn't understand me very well either. As far as I could tell, they have a version of alkahestry there too, and a legend of a sage that came from even further east, across the great ocean from lands even they didn't know anything about."

"Even further east? And there are countries there too? I've never even heard that legend. Is their sage legend the same as the one from Xerxes? And Xing?"

Al shook his head. "Not exactly," he smiled. "This one is the leader of the country. It is said he arrived hundreds of years ago and he's still there, acting as their leader. He's said to be immortal and inhabits the body of a person so that he can keep living. The people he takes over live a long time, but when they finally do get old, he transfers to another person and then that person becomes the leader. Supposedly he can heal anyone he touches, too."

"_What?"_ Ed frowned, becoming a bit alarmed. "That sounds like…"

"I know, brother, that's what I thought. But all the homunculi were accounted for. I don't know what or who this leader is, but I kept thinking: if someone made a creature like Father once, maybe someone else could do it again."

"Are you going to go back there? To learn more?"

Al smiled hopefully. "I'd like to. But this time, I'd like to have you with me. It's a really long and lonely journey."

Ed hesitated and put down his bottle of ale. The quiet tink of glass the tabletop sounded strangely ominous in the silence.

Al frowned. He had felt sure this was an adventure Ed would jump at. He had not mistaken his brother's excitement over the news of the new lands beyond Xing, of his eagerness to find out what lay beyond even them. He had thought that, now that Ed's children were almost grown, his brother would be eager to travel again. Winry's statements earlier in the day seemed to confirm his thoughts. Why was his brother being so hesitant?

"If it's company you want, wouldn't Mei be a better companion?" Ed's voice wasn't sad or cold, merely flat, as if he was stating a dry fact that had nothing to do with the bond between them. "I'll bet she's still pretty handy in a fight too. Could watch your back. And won't she miss you if you're gone so long again?"

"Mei came with me last time," answered Al, unable to keep all of the hurt out of his voice. "She's the one who suggested I ask you to go this time. She said every time I saw something interesting, I would say how you would have loved to have seen it too. I think it made her a little jealous, Brother. She said that you were along with us already in so many ways that you might as well have been there in person."

Ed smiled at that. Then chuckled and pretty soon was laughing out loud. "That girl's too good for you, Al, you know that? You should stop stringing her along and make an honest woman of her."

This time, Al blushed. "We… well, we're not quite ready to get married yet. We've got time. Besides, do you know how much of a big deal it is to marry a Xingese princess? The ceremony alone is days long!" Al shook his head, sweat beading up on his brow. "Just the thought of all that pomp makes both of us nervous." He looked up. "You changed the subject, Brother. It's not just for the company. I'd like to spend time with my brother again. And Winry says you are restless. Why would you not want to go with me?"

Ed picked up the ale again and drained the bottle in silence. He gave a great belch and slid the empty across the table towards a cluster of others at its far end.

"I can't."

"Why not? Brother! You mean you have something so pressing here that it can't spare you for a year or two?"

"I was sort of hoping to start Tristan on learning alchemy. After your performance today, he's going to be hard to keep out of my old books." Ed looked sidelong at his brother. "I'd rather not have him learning unguided. We proved how dangerous that can be. I was hoping I could convince you to take him, become his teacher. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have him learn from. Not since Teacher died."

Al didn't know what to say. He didn't know quite what to feel either. Ed was as devoted to his children as their father had not been. Compensating, perhaps, for the lack that both of them had known, though Al had always felt Ed had been far more affected by their father's lack of involvement in their lives than Al had been.

"That's… that's an incredible honor, Ed," he said seriously. "I haven't taught anyone yet and I don't know how good I'd be at it."

Ed dismissed him with a snort. "You'll be fantastic. Heck, even if you were mediocre, you'd be better at it than me. I haven't anywhere near your patience."

"I'll have to think about it," his brother mused. "In any case, I'd still like to get back to Indishiv soon and find out more about their leader." He brightened as a thought struck him. "Hey! I've got it! Why don't you both come along! We can both teach Tristan alchemy! And I can teach him the alkahestry I've been learning." He sat bolt upright in his chair. "This is a great idea! We'll make it an adventure – not the Elric brothers, the Elric family!"

Al's enthusiasm was infectious and even Ed sat up hopefully, but then a cloud seemed to pass over his bright eyes and his face stilled and closed. Again, Al thought, that flatness in his manner, as if his brother had just realized that hope was a fool's errand. He reached out and placed his hand on his brother's arm. It was warm; flesh and blood and the man's pulse beat strongly under the skin.

"What's the matter, Brother?"

Ed turned away and didn't answer.

"Is this because you can't do alchemy anymore? Do you feel like you wouldn't be much help to me on such a journey? Or maybe a burden?"

Al could see the corner of his brother's mouth jerk up in a grim smile. After a long silence, he answered. "No. Even without alchemy, I can still take care of myself." He looked at his brother again. "In fact, I'll bet I could beat you in a fight now even without throwing a sheet in your face." Al smiled too, remembering the first battle Ed had ever won against him while he was in his armor.

"But is that the reason you don't want to come with me? Do you feel like there's something wrong with you because you can't do alchemy anymore?"

"No, I don't." Ed met his brother's eyes squarely. "I want you to remember this, Al. I have no regrets. Not even one. I got back way more than what I paid. So, I can't do alchemy anymore. So what? Lots of people in this world get along fine without it. So can I. And what I got in return for giving it up was the life of my brother, a wife who loves me and two of the most incredible kids anyone ever had." He shook his head. "If I ever get to thinking that something might be easier to do with alchemy, all I have to do is think about you, and Winry, Tristan and Sarah. You are all worth the price I paid. Many times over."

Al nodded, feeling a little sheepish. "I know. You've told me that a million times. I know that's how you feel, but I can see something's wrong, and since you won't tell me what it is, I'm just trying to figure it out on my own. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll tell me in your own time."

Ed drew back, and for a moment, the hard wariness returned to his eyes. As if aware that even that was telling, he looked away and changed the subject.

"Another ale?"

"I haven't finished the first one!"

Ed shrugged and hopped up from his chair, leaving Al alone in the dark. He was back moments later with two more ales.

"So, what else has been going on? How's your study of alkahestry coming? Made any headway?"

Al smiled. "Yes! Quite a lot. I was explaining to Winry how much I've progressed just this afternoon."

"She must have appreciated that discussion."

"Not really," he laughed. "I think she was just humoring me, but I really wanted to share with someone all that I've learned. Mei's finally got some hope that I'll figure out this dragon's pulse stuff after all."

"OK, so, spill. What's the deal?"

"It's like this. You remember how Ling and Lan Fan could always sense when people or even non-people were around? They had this sixth sense that gave them the ability to see the true nature of anyone they met? Well, I found out pretty early in my travels that that ability wasn't restricted to those skilled in alkahestry, but that pretty much anyone could learn how to do it. In fact, they were surprised that I as an alchemist couldn't already! It took a lot of work, and I'm still not able to do it unless I concentrate, but I can finally see the dragon's pulse."

"Yeah?"

"Remember when Mei said she could feel the souls inside the philosopher's stones? It's that energy that makes up a person's chi. That chi, which everyone has, is like the power of someone's soul. It connects to the dragon's pulse and once you learn to feel that, you can sense the chi, that soul energy, in all living things – even people."

Al had become so engrossed in his explanation, that he hadn't noticed how still his brother had become. Or the sudden sweat that appeared above Ed's lip. As he chattered away, he began to focus inward, to engage the senses he had learned to use to sense another's chi. He was about to reach outward in the direction of his brother's form when Ed's swiftly thrown roundhouse punch landed squarely on his jaw.

The next thing Al knew, he was lying on his back half under the table and the stars were swimming in the sky above him. He blinked and reached up to find a welt forming on the left side of his jaw. The arm that Al had returned to him was definitely as strong as the one Ed always had.

"What…" Al shook his head to clear it, but the stars were still swimming. "What the heck did you do that for?"

He struggled to his feet, knocking the other chair over in the process. Ed was on the far side of the table, still poised in a fighting stance, his face set, hard and furious. He cocked his fist back again, but didn't advance. Al shoved the table out of the way and the bottles on it shattered onto the porch.

"Damn it, Ed, what the hell?"

"Don't…." his brother said through tightly clenched teeth. "Don't you ever do that to me. Do you hear? Never!"

"What?" Al shook his head again, but it was no clearer what had set his brother off so violently. "I didn't do anything! I was just sitting here talking! And then you freaked out! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ed drew himself up and in an instant of clarity Al saw that it wasn't just anger in his brother's eyes but desperate fear. He terrified – but of what? The older brother still stood with fists raised, but he was shaking and the color had drained out of his face.

"Don't even try it," Ed hissed and then ran off the porch, away into the night.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Al had a bruise any prize fighter would have been proud of. He came down the stairs to find Winry making breakfast, but there was still no sign of Ed. He'd waited for hours on the porch in the dark, but the older man had not returned before Al went to bed.<p>

"Is Ed here?" he asked.

Winry looked up and blinked at the sight of Al's bruised and puffy face. "Um, yeah… He came up early this morning. He's asleep upstairs. What the heck happened between you two? Aren't you guys getting a bit old to play around like that?"

Al sighed and sat down at the table as Winry poured him a cup of coffee. "I don't think this was playing," he murmured. "I still don't know what I said wrong, but something sure set Brother off." He looked up at his sister-in-law. "Has he been OK? I mean, have you noticed any strange behavior in him?"

Winry sat down thoughtfully, her own coffee cradled in her two hands. "Really, other than being a bit restless and bored, no, not at all. He's been just fine. What were you guys talking about when he got upset?"

"Nothing that would have called for this," said Al, rubbing his bruised jaw. "I was telling him about the way I've learned to read the dragon's pulse and how I could see someone's chi – I hadn't even had a chance to check his yet when he popped me."

"Wow, that does seem a little out of character! Even for him. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"_I_ want to talk to him, but this time, I'll have my guard up. There's something very strange going on here. Something I can't figure out yet. But you'd better believe, I will."

* * *

><p>Ed was more elusive than Al gave him credit for. He slept in until early afternoon and while Al went to retrieve the children from school (so that Tristan and Sarah could show off their renowned uncle to the class), he told Winry he had errands to run and wouldn't be back until late. The next morning, Al resolved to wake Ed up if he had to so that they could have their overdue conversation.<p>

"What? He's gone again! Where did he go this time?"

"He said he didn't finish what he had to do in town and left early." Winry frowned from over the automail forearm she was just finishing work on. "What the heck is going on with you two? I thought he'd be dying to visit with you after so many years, now he seems afraid to even stay in the same room with you. It's making me think there really is something wrong. Tell you what, when he comes back this afternoon, we'll corner him and force him to tell us what's up."

"If we can find him."

"We'll find him. Resembool isn't that big a town and there are only a few places he's going to be able to hide."

The kids arrived home from school but there was still no sign of their father. Winry set them up with a few chores that needed doing and charged Tristan with coming up with supper, something he hated doing and Sarah delighted in tormenting him about, and then she and Al headed off to find Ed.

He wasn't in town and no one had seen him all day. On a hunch, Al suggested they look in the cemetery, since he had planned on visiting it anyway and it had always been a place his brother went as a child when he was troubled. As they approached the place, they could see no one by Al and Ed's parents' graves, but the freshly trampled grass showed that someone had recently spent time pacing near the headstones.

Al stopped by the graves and bowed his head, first to his mother's resting place and then to his father's.

"I should have brought flowers," he whispered sadly. "I'll come back soon, Mom, I promise, and bring you the prettiest flowers you ever saw. A ring of them, transmuted like Dad used to make for you. "

"Al, over there." Winry kept her voice low and pointed towards a cluster of young trees that had come up on the edge of the cemetery. In their shade, Al could make out a figure resting, his golden hair just peeking out of the hood of his grey sweatshirt.

"Shhh…" he said. "Wait a minute, Winry, I want to try something before he wakes up. I need to get a little closer though."

"That thing you tried with me? That alkahestry chi thing? Do you think that's what got Ed upset?"

"Well it was the only thing I can figure. It was what I was talking about when he hit me. And I'm pretty sure that's what he meant when he said I should 'never try to do that' to him again."

Winry looked over at where her husband lay and Al saw the concern that had been in her eyes begin to look more like fear. "I can't begin to guess what's got him so spooked, Al, but please, if there's something wrong and this thing can help you figure out what it is, please do it anyway. I'll accept the responsibility – he can take out his anger on me if he needs to."

"And if he hauls off and clobbers you? What then?"

Winry grinned. "I still have my wrench, you know."

Al came around the far side of the cluster of trees, out of his brother's sight should he wake up. Mei wouldn't have needed to get close like this, but Al was still learning how to distinguish the energy of individuals from the greater mass of life that alkahestry called 'the dragon's pulse'. He stopped, focused his mind and then reached out towards his sleeping brother.

There. He saw the energy that was his brother's life force. It was golden. Like liquid fire swirling inside a clear flask. It rippled and surged like a caged animal, or like a flame sputtering inside a globe, using up the last of its oxygen before vanishing in a puff of smoke. Al watched, entranced. Ed's chi was unlike that of any other person he had ever seen. He wondered if his own looked like this; if his was also so bright but unsubstantial to his beloved's eyes. But Mei had said she did not see the chi, that she used other senses to find them and if what she said reflected what she sensed, then Al's was a strong and vibrant force. Winry came up beside him and Al's mind caught a glimpse of her rosy glow now touched with bright worry but solid and substantial, its currents moving deep within its depths.

A piercing dread then gripped Al's heart. He suddenly realized what was so very different about Ed's chi. It was not clear, with golden fire at its edges.

_It was hollow_.

* * *

><p>TBC<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Shades of Gold –

Chapter 2

By Hiate48

The anguish in his brother's cry woke Ed instantly.

He scrambled to his feet and looked around wildly. Through the trees, he could see his brother's grief stricken face and the tears brimming in his eyes. Winry stood beside Al, looking from brother to brother with total bewilderment.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath. "I told you not to do that. I warned you never to look!"

"Would one of you _please_ tell me what the heck is going ON?" Winry yelled, slapping Al on the arm to get his attention.

Ed glowered at his brother, his fists clenched, but after several tense minutes relaxed his stance and turned away from them to sink down at the base of one of the young trees. Al and Winry scrambled over the cemetery's stone wall to stand before him in the shade of the little grove. Ed's hands lay lax and open on the ground, his face was closed and distant.

Winry knelt beside him and took up his hand, cradling it against her chest as she peered up into his face. "Please talk to me, Ed. I have a right to know if there's something wrong. What's the matter?" She settled beside her husband and kissed the back of his hand. He shuddered and bowed his head to his chest.

"I knew this was going to happen," he whispered. "I was afraid you'd see something you wouldn't like and that you'd overreact like this. That's why I told you not to look at me that way."

"But how'd this happen?" cried Al. "It looks like something ate away your life force! You're nothing but wisps of energy glowing on the surface with empty space inside it."

Winry stiffened and clenched Ed's hand even tighter as she comprehended Al's words.

Al sank to the ground too. "Is this something else you gave up?" he said hoarsely. "When you traded your alchemy for my body? Did you also give up your life energy to get it back?" Al's teeth were clenched with the beginnings of anger.

"No." Ed's head came up sharply and he squeezed his wife's hand. "This had nothing to do with you. Nothing at all." He sat up and gently took his hand back from Winry's grip. He turned away from both of them. "I think it's because of something that happened in Baschool. At least, it wasn't until after that..."

"What?" prompted Winry when he didn't continue.

Ed turned back and touched her cheek tenderly, his expression softening with love. "It's probably nothing," he said. "That's why I never said anything. I didn't want you to worry over me."

"Baschool?" Al asked. "The time you went missing in the mine? The winter we went to Briggs? You never told us what happened there."

"No, I didn't." For a moment, Ed stiffened, wary by old habit, but before Al and Winry's desperate faces his defense crumbled. "I never wanted any of you to worry," he said at last, turning away from them again. "Mei's never said anything so, for a long time, I thought maybe old man Fu got it wrong or that the Truth had fixed me when we went through the portal. But then…" He shook his head. "Doctors in Creta couldn't find anything wrong with me, so when I came home I went to a specialist…." He drew a deep breath. "He figured it out pretty quick. And I knew you'd see it, too, the minute you started talking about 'chi', I knew…"

"See what?" pleaded Winry. "What are you talking about? What happened in Baschool?"

"I made a mistake," he answered. "I was soft. I showed mercy to the wrong person and had to pay the price." He closed his eyes and gathered his resolve. "I'm afraid I had to use a little of my own life energy to keep myself going, just a little to make up for my bad judgment."

"But… what does that mean?" asked Winry.

"Of course." Al's voice was choked with tears. "Equivalent exchange, just like when you got my soul back, but it wasn't an arm or leg this time. You used your own soul energy, your 'chi', like a philosopher's stone." He turned away and slammed a fist into the dirt. "How many?" he demanded. "How many years did you sacrifice?"

Ed looked up with a sigh. "I don't know. As many as it took, I suppose. I never bothered making any kind of 'assessment'. At the time I didn't have much of a choice. What does it matter anyway? I'm alive now. I'm healthy. I have friends and family around me. That's enough."

Winry drew her hands to her mouth, her body growing stiff with fear. "What do you see, Al?" she asked, her eyes never leaving Ed's.

The younger brother sagged, as if reluctant to speak, but answered his sister-in-law a moment later. "He has only wisps of 'chi' left. Where other peoples' is solid and substantial, his is like a ghost." Tears now fell from Al's eyes but he did not meet his brother's gaze.

Ed felt a thrill of fear dance up his spine. "Whisps, huh?" he asked hesitantly. "Old man Fu died before I could ask him about it and none of the others…" He frowned. "How much do you… how much is left, do you think?"

His brother shook his head like a wounded animal in pain. "Not much," he whispered. His head hung in frustration and despair.

Ed swallowed. The new information settled like a great weight on his heart, though he still felt the need to spare them if he could and not let on how much it unsettled him. He was silent for a long while thinking.

"We don't know for certain what this means," he said, forcing his features and voice into calm for their sakes. "But I don't want you two freaking out over it. I've lived with this for years and I'm still hanging in there just fine. Besides," he smiled. "Even if it means I never make it to a ripe old age, it's OK. I've already done more and lived more than our father did in centuries. He didn't even get around to finding Mom and having a family until it was almost too late. At least I didn't make that mistake."

Winry gave a little sob and crawled into her husband's lap. He cradled her as if she was a little girl again. She laid her bright head on his chest and buried her face in his shirt.

"Please don't cry," Ed pleaded. "Either of you. I'm fine. I'll be alright tomorrow, too, I promise. You can't live worrying about what might happen years from now. That's not what we fought for. Life's too precious to spend just counting the days. You need to live it, and be happy, just like I've been doing." He kissed the top of Winry's head.

"Oh, Brother," Al whispered. "I wish you had told me."

Ed shrugged. "What would that have done except upset you? It had already happened and I was fully recovered from my injuries by the time we saw each other again. I didn't need to broadcast just how stupid I'd been."

"Mercy is never stupid, Brother." Al straightened again, wiping his eyes. "Now it all makes sense. Mei doesn't see 'chi' the way I do, but she once told me your soul danced on a knife's edge. I didn't understand at the time, but now I think I do." He shook his head. "You can't keep me from worrying about you, brother, but I'll respect your wishes and not freak out. But I won't just take this the way you seem to have." He got to his feet. "You never gave up trying to get my body back for me. Even when common sense said it was impossible, you stuck with it. Now it's my turn. They say the prophet in Indishiv can extend life. I'm going to go find out if it's true. Maybe there's a way to restore your soul's energy. It might be impossible to bring the dead back, but while there's still life, there's hope. You taught me that. I'm going to Indishiv and I'm going to find out if there's any truth to what that prophet does. And if there is, I'm going to bring that knowledge back to you."

Ed shook his head and with a wry smile, hugged Winry to him. "Alright, Al. I guess can't stop you. But don't waste what we paid dearly for. If you make this into another life-consuming quest, I'll kick your ass. We've already paid too high a price to waste our lives on something like that. Go home, marry Mei. Don't put it off anymore. Life's too short not to live it to the fullest." He sighed and rolled his eyes in a less than convincing attempt at humor. "Look at me, I sound like Colonel Hughes."

Al might have agreed had he not still been desperately afraid for his brother.

* * *

><p>The children had dinner ready by the time the adults of the family returned from the cemetery, and though they were excited to show off their culinary skills, even they perceived the adults' disquiet. By the end of the meal, the melancholy was even affecting the vivacious Sarah and Ed knew he would have to do something to quell his family's fears and quickly.<p>

It had been far easier when they'd all been ignorant of his condition. At first he thought his symptoms were just a result of growing older, though after Creta he'd known it was more than that. Between Baschool and the battle in the depths of Central, his life had been compromised, but at the time, 'a few years' off the end of it hadn't seemed such a big deal. At thirty, Ed still thought himself years away from having to pay a price for his mercy, but Al's vision unnerved him. It suggested his time was running shorter than he'd guessed.

He sat back in his chair, balancing on its back two legs and watching Winry and the children clear the supper dishes. Al was sipping a cup of coffee, trying to look like he wasn't keeping a close watch on his brother.

In Kanama, old man Fu noted the change in his 'chi' immediately, but in all the years since, Mei had never said a word, at least not to him. It had never occurred to him that that she would keep such a thing to herself, or that she couldn't see it. He should have asked her about it long ago. Or hidden better. Or kicked Al out of the house the minute he'd started talking about seeing 'chi'. Estrangement, even death, he could handle; watching Al tear himself up, or worse, do something incredibly stupid to try and save him, he could not.

"Uncle Al?" Sarah appeared at the brother's side, a dishtowel in hand. "Now that we're all together, can we please open the presents you brought? I've been being really patient, haven't I? I haven't even peeked at them once." She blushed. "Ok, maybe once. But just enough to see they were all wrapped. I didn't open any of them."

Her candor brought a fleeting smile to Al's face. Ed nodded, happy for the distraction. Sarah gave a cheer and dragged her brother, not unwillingly, into the great room to get it ready.

"I'm hoping these are suitable," Al apologized, coming down the stairs with the bag and sitting in the armchair between the children. "It's been so long since I've seen either of you, I hardly have any idea what you like."

Sitting on his floor cushion, Tristan squirmed with excitement as the package, which was obviously a book, was placed into his hands. He looked up at his father's face and Ed nodded for his son to open the silken wrappings. Al then handed two other, softer packages to Sarah and motioned for the girl to give the second one to her mother. Winry, sitting beside Ed on the sofa, watched the exchange between father and son carefully but nodded as she took the gift.

"Oh, WOW!" Tristan's eyes grew huge with excitement. "An introduction to Alchemy! Really? Does this mean I can start training, Dad? Am I old enough now?"

Ed felt Winry stiffen beside him. "Yeah," he said to Tristan. "Now that you've been watching Al in action, it's not like I could keep you from trying it. I'll teach you what I know and if you're any good, maybe you can convince your uncle to take over after that?"

Winry kept silent though Ed knew she wasn't thrilled with the development. She had to know this time was coming. Ed had delayed the boy's training out of respect for her reservations for as long as he dared. It was a miracle they hadn't already caught Tristan snooping through his library.

"Oh, Uncle!" Sarah lifted the silken kimono from its wrappings. Its surface rippled in the light; a rose colored canvas for a bouquet of embroidered yellow flowers. The girl's mouth hung open in awe. "This is beautiful!" she breathed, holding the garment up to examine it. Winry blinked and looked down at the package in her own lap.

"I guessed at the size, though a kimono is a forgiving garment, but I was right about the coloring. Check out the one I brought you, Winry." Al was busy pulling another wrapped package from the bottom of his bag. "And this is for you, Brother," Al's voice sounded a little apologetic, but he handed the silken covered book to Ed anyway. His brother took the gift, a little surprised, and opened the silky covering.

"Oh, Al!" Winry's gift was a kimono like her daughter's, except hers was midnight blue in a field that faded to a sky-colored hue that exactly matched her eyes. It was embroidered with stars, comets, moons and lilies of white and silver thread. It was as exquisite as Sarah's.

The book that fell into Ed's hands was an old, leather bound text with symbols of Xingese alkahestry embossed into the spine. As he turned the pages, Ed was mesmerized with the illustrations and descriptions of the lands of Xing and other lands and oceans beyond it. He ran a hand over the picture of a great fish, as big as a boat, being chased by men with spears in smaller boats. Other illustrations drew his attention, including that of a chain of islands and of mountain peaks with fire erupting from the tops. He flipped through the pages, catching words that he had never seen before, strange symbols that seemed almost familiar, but which he had never even imagined. He settled back into the sofa, right leg crossed over steel one, and turned back to the first page of the tome to start reading.

"Well, I guess we know the Elric ability to focus has been passed on to the next generation."

"Huh?" Ed looked up. Al was smiling at Tristan, who was still reading greedily, oblivious to the adults around him. The boy hadn't even stirred from the alchemy book. Then Al met his brother's gaze and the smile faltered again.

This was getting ridiculous.

"Do I get to study alchemy too, Dad?" Sarah asked excitedly.

Winry's head snapped up. "WHAT?" she shouted. "Both of them? NO!" She jumped to her feet, clutching at the kimono and turned on her husband. "Of course, neither of them could possibly take after _me_!" She spun away as if to storm from the room, yet stopped after a couple of steps. Her shoulders shook with anger and her free hand was clenched into a trembling fist. "O.K." she growled. "I admit it, I knew that one day…" She shot a withering glare at her husband and brother-in-law. "Pardon me if I got used to not being terrified! In fact, I even learned to like knowing that my family was always going to come home alive, not be transmuted into something, or bleeding and half dead!" She dashed sudden tears away. "I can't go back to that, Ed! I can't!" She stormed out of the room and they heard the door to the attached workshop slam shut in her wake.

"Opps. I'm sorry, Brother," said Al. "I didn't mean to cause problems for you."

Ed shook his head. "It'll be alright. It's just a lot for her to take in. I'll talk to her. Things aren't the same as when you and I were fighting the homunculi. There's peace in Amestris now. There isn't even a state alchemist program anymore."

"I'm sorry, Dad." Sarah's tears of shock brimmed in her eyes. "I didn't know Mom would get so upset. It's… It's OK, if you don't want to teach me."

Tristan, who had been jolted from his reading by his mother's outburst, smiled apologetically at his sister and shrugged.

"It's not that, Sarah," Ed scowled. "This isn't entirely about your wanting to learn alchemy." He looked at his daughter curiously. "And what about that? Your brother's been interested in it for years, but this is the first I've seen you show any inclination." He leaned towards his daughter. "Why now?"

"Well, I don't think I ever really thought about it before," Sarah confessed. "Until I saw what Uncle did at the dam… I mean, I know what it is and all, and that you and Uncle were some kind of geniuses at it, but… I guess I never thought of it as something _I_ could do." She looked up at her father in wonder. "And Uncle Al says you guys were doing this stuff at my age?"

"Yeah, with consequences." Ed tapped the steel of his automail leg. "That's why I wasn't willing to start Tristan until now. That's why your mother freaked out like that. She saw what happened to me and Al firsthand."

"Oh," Sarah's lip trembled. "Maybe I should have said something to her first."

"This isn't something you take up on a whim, Sarah," continued Al. "Your dad and I started when we were half your age and we spent every spare moment we had reading and training. That's what it takes. Are you sure you're willing to devote that much time to it?"

The girl looked from her uncle to her father, blue eyes wide and searching, and completely earnest.

"Yes," said Sarah. "I am. I know this is kind of sudden, but I just had this feeling that this was what I was _meant_ to do. I had a really good feeling about it," she blushed. "…Until mom blew a gasket."

Ed caught his brother's eye. Al hadn't yet given him an answer; whether he would take on his brother's children as students or not. It had to be his decision, but surely his brother understood there was only so far Ed could take them, only so much alchemy that someone without the ability to use it could teach them. Only so long he would be… Ed shook his head to dismiss the fatalistic thought. Whatever happened, ultimately his children would have to have a real teacher and Al was the only alchemist in the world Ed could trust to be the one. Surely his brother understood that.

Al met his gaze evenly. He did seem to understand, though he looked as if that perception was about to break his heart. He gave a little nod. Ed thanked him with the briefest flash of a smile and turned back to his daughter.

"I'll talk to her," he said. "She'd kind of hoped you'd take over the family business, or at least become a doctor like her parents, but if this is what you really want, she won't stand in your way. She's not that selfish."

"I've never felt so sure about anything, Dad."

"Me neither," piped Tristan.

In the light of the two shining, hopeful faces looking up at him from the floor, Ed could not help but feel a surge of pride and tenderness. The fact that his children wanted to follow in his and his brother's footsteps touched him more than he'd expected. This was a feeling his own father had never experienced, whatever the reason, and that recognition hardened his resolve.

"I give," he shrugged. "I guess we'll teach you both. Your mom's just going to just have to deal with alchemists around the house again."

"Should I get your back while you talk to her, Brother?" asked Al. He even managed to smirk as he said it. Ed was glad to see his brother's amusement; hopefully it meant he was chilling out, though he wasn't all that eager to face Winry's ire.

"She's probably still pretty pissed. I think I'll give her a little time to cool off before I try it. She's still a good shot with that wrench."

* * *

><p>Winry was still in her workshop when it came time for the children to go to bed. Ed took it upon himself to make sure Tristan's book wasn't handy enough for the boy to sneak back and continue reading it as he settled his son in. When all was silent in the bedrooms and the lights were out, he came down to find Al still sitting alone in the great room waiting for him.<p>

Ed could tell from Al's expression that his brother still wanted to talk he felt a stab of irritation ripple through him. They'd talked already, and it had only seemed to make things worse not better. It was time to act. If Al wouldn't take his word that he really was doing fine despite the hole in his 'chi', he'd have to prove it to him. At the bottom of the stairs Ed stopped, frowned once, then jerked his head toward the front door.

"Come on," he said. "It's cooled down outside and I need a workout. And you need your ass kicked." He walked past his brother, not even acknowledging Al's surprise at the suggestion, and out the door.

There was a patch of grass by the kitchen window where the turf was kept trimmed and Jake the dog was not allowed to go. This was where the kids had played when they were little and where they now practiced sparing with their father. Ed slipped off his shoes and felt the gathering dew cool the bottom of his right foot. He pulled at the hood of his sweatshirt, sliding the garment over his head in one graceful movement.

"I 'need' my ass kicked?"

"Yeah." Ed flexed his shoulders and tried a few experimental punches. "I told you if you kept on worrying about me I'd have to. The whole evening you and Winry couldn't have been more obvious. Maybe the way my 'chi' looks is because of what happened in Baschool, but it doesn't mean I'm on death's door. If you don't believe me when I say it, I guess I'll have to prove I'm OK."

Al stood at the edge of the little flat with his hands in his pockets, studying his brother with a hard and disapproving expression. "You can't kick my ass," he said. "You've only ever beaten me once and you cheated that time."

"I beat you fair and square, even fresh out of the hospital, admit it."

Al snorted derisively. "You weren't even _out_ of the hospital. And I had sense enough not to fight back against someone who'd just had half his belly sliced open. It wasn't a fair fight and you _did_ cheat."

"Fine," Ed put his hands on his hips and turned to face his brother. "We'll do it over. A rematch. Now that I'm not wounded and you've got your body back in shape, we'll see who'd really win between us."

Al studied his brother unhappily for a moment and then shook his head. "You're not going to talk to me until we do this, are you?" He unzipped his jacket.

Ed spun and, while his brother's hands were occupied, aimed a flying crescent kick high to the other man's shoulder. Al seemed to have anticipated the move and dropped into a low kiba dachi, power blocking the kick with his jacket wrapped forearm. Ed jumped back, bouncing lightly on his toes and assessing Al's response.

"You've been practicing." It wasn't a question.

Al nodded, dropping the jacket on the ground. "I've been learning lots of things in Xing,"

Ed gave him a little bow, not quite mocking but not entirely respectful either. He bounced to the right, darting just inside Al's reach, daring him to strike. Al's frown deepened as he blocked his brother's advances, but Ed wouldn't let up. He aimed punches and kicks in ways he knew Al could easily block them and settled into a rhythm of movements that he hoped would lull his brother into a predictable response. He noted that Al blocked each of the high strikes with his left forearm. With his right arm chambered, Al's middle was effectively open. Ed feigned a high strike but then dropped and punched low, under Al's guard towards his brother's exposed midriff.

Al had apparently not forgotten his brother's tricks in all the years they'd been apart. Before Ed could reach him, both Al's arms came down and crossed low in front of him, forming an 'X' shaped block that quickly trapped Ed's right hand. He gripped Ed's wrist and twisted it up and backwards against his forearm. Ed winced at the pain and found himself being forced to bend over to relieve it. Al drew the hand into his chest and Ed knew his brother was about to throw him down.

Ed wasn't going to let the fight end that quickly. Before Al could twist, Ed jumped up and flipped over his own arm, effectively unwinding the torque Al had built up in the limb. In the moment Al's surprise made him hesitate, Ed planted his right leg on Al's chest and wrenched his wrist free. The two opponents staggered away then turned back, breathing heavily, to face one another again across the grassy space.

"You still fight like a monkey," coughed Al. "You waste all your energy bouncing around and crawling all over the place. By the time you go to punch, there's no power left. I could take these blows in my sleep."

A smile curled up at the edge of Ed's mouth as he panted. "Well, I've been fighting nothing but little kids for the last few years. I guess I'm in the habit of holding back."

"You can't beat me, Brother," warned Al. "All you're going to do is wear yourself out. I don't want you to do that. There's nothing you need to prove to me."

That wiped the smile from Ed's face. "Apparently there is," he growled. "If I was on death's door, do you think I could fight you like _this_?" As he spoke the word, Ed launched himself forward and slammed his shoulder into Al's belly. The other man, not expecting such a simple trick, stepped backwards, but not far enough to escape Ed's speed. Al went down flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him as Ed sailed over his head.

Al lay wheezing on the grass for several minutes, but even after his breath had returned to a somewhat normal rhythm, he still did not get up. Ed relaxed his guard when he realized that Al was not going to come after him and went to sit by his brother's side.

"What were you saying about how I couldn't beat you?" asked Ed. Al looked up at him thoughtfully.

"You're pretty transparent, Brother," he said, sounding far more mature than his twenty-nine years. "You don't want me worrying about you and you think by making me believe that having a hollowed out soul hasn't affected your health, you'll prevent me from trying something stupid to fix it." His voice was frank, merciless and unemotional. "Something like giving up an arm? You should give me more credit than that, Brother."

"Yeah, like letting you die would have been so smart?" Ed countered, but Al refused to rise to the bait. "Besides," he said, breaking the long silence that fell between them, "The last time my life was in danger, you gave up your soul entirely. How was that not stupid?"

"It wasn't," Al answered evenly. "Because I knew you would get it back. I trusted you," He sat up, retrieved his coat and brushed it off. "You're still an idiot, Brother." He ignored Ed's half-hearted glare. "You know, trying to convince me the damage to your soul wasn't affecting you might have worked. I've met people so old and frail you wonder what's keeping them alive. It's like they don't believe they will ever die and so they just keep living, staying busy and involved with life. You might have been able to convince me that was the way it was with you, Brother, that having most of your soul ripped away hasn't affected you a bit, but…" He sat up, and turned away from Ed. "Why should I believe that if you don't?"

Ed felt like all the air had suddenly gone out of the twilit space. He started to shake his head, but Al stared him down.

"I hope you've the sense not to deny it," he said. "The Colonel himself called me to ask what had happened to you. He said it was like you'd dropped off the face of the earth. He was about ready to send someone to check on you."

"Don't you mean 'Prime Minister'? He's got way more important things to worry about than me right now."

"He does," agreed Al. "Restoring the democracy doesn't leave a lot of spare time, but you haven't been really subtle, Brother. You've been distancing yourself from those who care about you for years, dropping out of the world." The worried frown returned. "Even to your own kids. They were honestly surprised when I told them how famous you were. What are you trying to do? Do you hope your death will hurt less if the world has forgotten about you? That those who care about you won't be as devastated if we haven't heard from you in a while?"

The words felt like a slap in the face. Ed opened his mouth to deny them and then closed it grimly, realizing he couldn't. He _had_ been dropping out of things for quite a while – perhaps not consciously with the intent Alphonse suggested, but, now voiced, the reason his brother offered seemed ominously credible.

They had risked their lives almost carelessly while he was a state alchemist, though the older he became, the more losses he endured, the more he had found he did not want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. Perhaps he had not consciously removed himself from the lives of those he cared about, but his actions made a macabre sort of logic. "Thirty years," he sighed. "Even with all we've packed into it, they're going to think I had an awfully short life."

"Stop it, Ed."

Alphonse grabbed his brother's shoulders and gave them a sharp, angry shake. "This is what I'm talking about," he hissed. "You don't need to convince _me_ you are going to be OK, you need to convince _yourself_." He shook his head. "Look, I don't really know how much of a soul you need to sustain life; you were the expert on that, but obviously whatever you've still got has been enough so far.

"Nobody knows how long they've got. Even if I can see what you gave up reflected in your 'chi', I don't really know what it means. But I'm pretty sure keeping this secret to yourself, bottling it all up inside you isn't helping you. It might even make things worse. You need to let us help you." He shook his head again when Ed frowned. "I won't risk myself, Brother, I'd never leave you alone like that, but this retreat of yours _is_ like you're leaving us." He pressed his forehead against his brother's. "Please, Brother, don't try and do this alone. You can't give up and just fade away." Al voice grew hoarse with emotion. "You need to fight this," he begged. "Please, Brother, you need to fight for every last minute you can. You need to beat this. We…I need you to."

Ed draped his arms across his brother's and the two of them sat for a long time, forehead to forehead in the darkening garden. It wasn't as if they were all each other had anymore. Both had made lives for themselves and fashioned families they cared about in disparate lands, but the bond they shared was still strong, no matter the years they'd spent apart. As long as Al was somewhere in the world, Ed drew strength from that knowledge and he was pretty sure Al got the same solace from him.

Though his brother was right in one thing; in stealing away to Resembool and shielding himself from the world, he wasn't sparing anyone. It _was_ giving up, just as Al had said.

"Nothing's impossible, huh?" he sighed.

Ed could feel his brother's forehead crease and his body tremble, but then Alphonse mastered himself again.

"Nothing at all," he said with total certainty. "That's what you need to believe too."

TBC


End file.
